Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize