my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
