He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
