Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
