But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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