I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
