i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
