i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
