AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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