Sponge bath it is.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
