Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
