I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
