Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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