its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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