I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
