next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
