Barsexuality is the new black.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
