Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
