I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
