I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
