You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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