I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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