I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
