So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
