Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
