When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
