I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
