Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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