Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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