he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Naked Twister starts at high noon
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Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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