I got chris browned last night
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
