She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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