Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
