She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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