I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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