I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I did not marry a roomba.
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