I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
