Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
