i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Randomize
