i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
