So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
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You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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