Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
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Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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