I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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