if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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