he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
