I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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