direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
