If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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