none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
