im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
