he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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