Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
