Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
