My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
