apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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